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August 13, 2008
a moment of mush
I realize that I've pretty much monopolized this blog - Brian's on his fourth day of work and when he gets home it seems we have more things to do than expected (like make dinner! Bet he's not used to that! Ha ha...) - he is almost through sorting his photos for the website so hold on tight, it's coming. Making a photo website is much more involving than making a blog (I made this blog in a day) because of all the coding that goes into arranging the photos, and categorizing them, etc. But I promise you, it is fully on the agenda.
Also on the agenda is the launch of my new website, which will include a site for my writing. As I'm sorting through my masses of word documents (some of them easily a decade old, no joke) I found this that I wrote last fall, shortly after meeting Brian, and I thought we'd stray away from a report of our days to bring you a little glimpse into just how our little Country Mouse affected me early on:
I'm not entirely sure that I can articulate the change that has come over me - or what it is about him that makes me feel like this can only be right. Perhaps I'm swept up in the present, but I've learned that I can only exist in a present plane. That's a somewhat bohemian mindset and one that strays from the philosophy under which I've been raised as well as the one I've been conditioned to consider when making decisions affecting my career. But when it comes to love - something that is altogether irrational, defiant, at times fickle, at other times crippling - I can only surrender to what feels right and true at the present moment. Any other approach has only caused me physical and mental anguish, neither of which has a place in the pursuit of that unparalleled feeling of contentment in the presence of one other.
And that is what I have found in him - utter contentment and the feeling that we can exist in the same space without turbulence. As one who has long prided herself in and cherished her independence, I find myself unruffled by his existence in the space of my life and time - I find that he quite naturally fits right in. My hesitant yet unendingly curious heart finds safety in him and in his unabashed, untainted candor - my heart is warm, very warm, always warm, and churns in quiet anticipation of having him in my arms once again. He is my present, my comfort, my newest challenge and yet I feel no fear - only a perpetual sense of amazement and peace.
I know, gag me with a spoon. I guess this one was for all you ladies ;)
posted by karel at 12:49 PM
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1 Comments:
Oh that was definitely for the ladies! (and anyone who is a writer too!) I'm sure if Brian had written anything down when you met it wouldn't have been as eloquent:) I love your "moment of mush".
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